well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
