She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize