you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
