Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
