Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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