It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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