sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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