I want to make a zoo with you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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