I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
