I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
