the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
