I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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