On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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