I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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