so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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