I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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