I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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