3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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