we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize