I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
