Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
