He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
