dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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