I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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