Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
