If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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