Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize