Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
