think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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