i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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