I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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