Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
