Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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