omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
