Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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