wanna go halves on a baby?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
