He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
