There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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