Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
