cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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