i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
