I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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