how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
