Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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