yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
