paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
