when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
