turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
