Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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