Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
