He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
