no, he came in my armpit
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize