I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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