She is in my trunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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