Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
