ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
NoShamevember. You game?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
