Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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