I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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