Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
