hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
