i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize