you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
