Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
