He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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