help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize