took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
