my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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