we have pet lesbian snakes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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