2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
