I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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