These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
